The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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