it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
