A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
