in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
