If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
