You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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