You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
