____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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