I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
