ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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