you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
