I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
