Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
