I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
