i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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