So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Liz is crying about burritos again.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
