Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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