i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
