This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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