I want to stick my p in your. b.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
