i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She said her name was "party"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Is it because I queefed?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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