You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
