dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
