Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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