Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
