Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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