is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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