I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
