you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
