Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
