Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
