You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I had to cum in my sink.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize