census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
