Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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