so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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