After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
