I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You pole danced in your parka.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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