You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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