he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
