Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
