I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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