we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
