i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
