I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
