so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
