I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
