I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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