She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
