I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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