I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
