You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
