would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
