I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
