dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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