I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
