did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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