Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
