Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
