Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
someone threw a dead crab at me
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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