i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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