You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
