That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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