So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
