if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
PANTIES FOUND
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