i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
