Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
