Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
