i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
