God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
