Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
