i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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