VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
