So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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