The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize