I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
