This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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