Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
