we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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