She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
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