look no pants
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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