Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Drunk is a universal language darling
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
