You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
