stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
