remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
