farters have to be the big spoon...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
