My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
