I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
