i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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